FlyAndCry Airlines has launched a revolutionary program: the last passengers automatically become part of the crew.
The new rules are simple:
- The last two passengers to board are appointed as flight attendants. Their duties include handing out water and “expired” cookies, cleaning up trash in the cabin, scrubbing the toilets, and distributing sick bags to those who look the greenest. The company saves on staff while passengers “contribute to the common cause.”
- The last passenger to leave becomes a baggage handler. They must unload luggage onto the conveyor belt, loudly call out owners’ names, and personally carry forgotten bags to the arrivals exit. If they refuse, the suitcases are officially declared “property of the airline.”
The Head of Efficiency noted: “This way we kill two birds with one stone — we cut staff costs and eliminate the endless boarding and disembarkation procedures. The plane doesn’t wait, the passengers work, and the company wins.”
Results after the first month of implementation:
- Passenger disembarkation time reduced by 37%.
- Staff costs cut by 22%.
- Forgotten items in the cabin decreased by 41% (now picked up by “new stewards”).
- Complaints increased by 146%, but the company calls this “feedback for growth.”
- Three passengers have already been officially hired by FlyAndCry “out of habit.”
Future plans:
- Appoint the last three as responsible for cleaning the cockpit.
- Assign the slowest passengers to polish the windows from the inside “for better visibility.”
- Introduce a “self-service catering system” — the last passenger will heat instant noodles for the entire cabin.
- Consider a “fuel-saving project”: latecomers will help by waving their arms during engine start.
FlyAndCry Airlines emphasizes: every flight is now a collective labor camp, where the slowest automatically become the most useful.
“If you’re late for boarding — get ready to scrub the toilets. If you’re the last to leave — get ready to haul luggage. We have proven that even passenger laziness can be turned into profit,” the Head of Efficiency declared.