Q: What’s included in the ticket?
A: A chair. Some air. Maybe landing. Everything else costs extra — just like happiness.
Q: Why is my flight delayed?
A: The pilot’s asleep. The plane’s moody. Or maybe you just showed up too early. That’s on you.
Q: Where’s my luggage?
A: Somewhere between Istanbul and despair. Our staff may be sitting on it right now.
Q: Can I bring alcohol on board?
A: Absolutely. But half of it goes to the crew. That’s the emotional compensation tax.
Q: What about… you know… substances?
A: Sure. Just share. We don’t report — we sample.
Q: Do you offer refunds?
A: Hahaha. No.
Q: Do you even have safety procedures?
A: Yep. If it catches fire — try to put it out. If it crashes — don’t talk about it.
Q: Do you have business class?
A: We do. It’s like economy, but with more loneliness.
Q: Can I smoke in the lavatory?
A: Yes. Once. After that, you become luggage.
Q: What if I’m pregnant?
A: Congrats. This flight counts as pre-labor training.
Q: I don’t like your tone.
A: Weird. This is us being polite. Usually we just don’t answer.
Q: What happens if I file a complaint?
A: All complaints are whispered into a vacuum chamber. We listen with our backs turned.
Q: Do you have a loyalty program?
A: Of course. The more you fly, the less we respect you. Welcome to INCHES™.
